This is not the 3rd Reich, there are rules
Through the blurred fog of a three day booze haze I angrily surveyed my surroundings. The cramped seat, the crying baby, the annoying looking Kulula flight attendants, these all added to m
y discontentment. But despite the severe shakes, gag-reflexive stench of tobacco and the foul taste of unwashed-booze-mouth in the early morning, things suddenly got worse. An overly tanned, slightly buff, straggly-haired German, in an unnecessary haste shoved the people in front of him to secure his over-head storage space. He then decided to recline in his seat on an hour long flight – I was seated behind him. If you have flown on these ‘budget’ airlines with their whacky marketing and unrealistic zest for life, you will find what they make up for in so-called no-frills service they lack heavily in comfort. With the person in front of you close enough to ascertain what shampoo brand they use, whether the dandruff is chronic and if that balding pattern is hereditary you really don’t relish the freedom of flying. And making it worse, as I said this vile vessel of fascist discharge shoved his seat so far back that I was picking the ticks from his fuck-wit head.
Naturally the moment came to choose. Do I hold this brewing rage inside or do I politely yet firmly request his consideration to rectify his seat. I did the latter.
Me: Excuse me bud, could you please move your seat forward, it’s really close to my face.
Fascist European (FE): No!
Me: Come on mate, just a little bit forward, I can smell you hair for godsake.
FE: This is way seat is made, you move it back.
Me: Well look it’s an hour flight you can’t move forward for me? (Tone is calm yet antagonistic)
FE: No.
Me: Jesus, are you serious? Fucking hell! This is not the Third Reich my friend, this is Africa – there are rules.
FE: (Signalling to the air steward): This guy complaining about my seat.
AS: Sir what seems to be the problem?
Me: Well I purposefully did not call you because I wanted to resolve this petty issue here like adults but clearly this fascist is incapable of basic interpersonal conflict resolution.
End result, he kept his seat lodged very closely against my face and I sat in discomfort refusing to move my seat back on principle.
It is a sad day when even little victories are not had.
Maybe it’s part of the famous Kulula humour, that the seats go back into your face…lol…
You’re not the first person to run into this problem and you wont be the last. If there aren’t any other seats available, the solution is to also put your seat back (I’ve been on an SAA flight before where this was not possible…seat in front of the emergency exit does not fold back).
Brad
You have my mom and I in fits of laughter. Love the way you write. Realise how spolit we were to have your healing humour -Live- on a daily basis.
Lots of love
Ang
What a bastard!